I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
