OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
