swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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