Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
