Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
