Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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