Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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