new low.... made out with someone while peeing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
