well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You pole danced in your parka.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
