u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
