How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
