The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
