We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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