I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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