I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
