I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
