its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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