I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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