so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
