I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
