I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
