I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
