We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Come on in and take your pants off
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
