Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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