I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
