FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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