Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
