fuck your aforementioned shoe
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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