Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
