i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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