this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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