: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
