I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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