So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
