Your mouth is God's brothel.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You pole danced in your parka.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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