we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
