My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
