Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
