she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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