Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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