I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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