okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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