Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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