the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
