forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
