the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
