dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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