I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
