I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
