you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
