are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
