Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
