What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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