didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
