she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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