discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
