i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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