I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
