my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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