Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
