Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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