you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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