its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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