I think my vagina is haunted
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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