hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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