A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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