she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
