dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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