I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
